Pull out from screen to see that this is the screen in the awards set and Dickie is working a stirrup pump which pumps tears out from the side of his head via rather obvious tubes.

Dickie

There they go, the credits of the year. Credits that you and the Society voted as the credits that brought the most credit to the Society. Sadly, the man who designed them cannot be with us tonight, as he is at home asleep, but we are going to wake him up and tell him the good news.

We see a darkened bedroom. The light is suddenly switched on. We see two men in bed together.

Dickie

Are you there in Bristol, Arthur Briggs...?

Briggs (Michael)

(terrified) Oh, my God! (pulls a sheet over the other man )

Cut back to Dickie.

Dickie

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for...

CAPTION: The End

Dickie

No, not that moment. Although that moment is not coming, in a moment. The moment I'm talking about is the moment when we present the award for the cast with the most awards award, and this year is no exception. Ladies and gentlemen will you join me and welcome please, the winners of this year's Mountbatten trophy, Showbusiness's highest accolade, the cast of the Dirty Vicar sketch.

The cast enter to applause and stately music, shake hands in turn with the Dummy Princess Margaret and collect the award, shake hands with Dickie and then line up behind him.

Dickie

Well, now let us see the performances which brought them this award. Let us see the Dirty Vicar Sketch.